Having a good cry

Yeah I posted this on the forum too. But heh, this is the only place I can really talk about how I feel.

I miss Hsun. I really do. I feel like I've been avoiding that name for a while.. Last night, I think I've cried every single drop that I've been wanting to do for quite some time now.

My life will never be the same, that much I know of. I don't know for how long I have to stay tough without someone who really cared about me. I don't know why I suddenly felt so down and lost lately. What was in that dream? I never understood why Hsun was there. =/

No one really cares anymore. I feel like even if I die, no one will bother to care. I hate living this life. I feel so lost..So damn lost..

Anyhoo.. It's Lilya's birthday. Weee debutant =D

I wonder..

How come when you're feeling lazy to study and you have an exam the next day or so. You can't get your mood right to do some studying. Only to find out the next day that there'll never be any exam for you to take. It always happens to me.

So, everytime I feel lazy and don't want to study. There's only 1 answer; There won't be any exam for me to take.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

*Skips away*


I've come too close to happiness,
To have it swept away
Don't think I can take the pain..
No never fall again...

You Wouldn't Want To Be In My Place..

Why? Imagine this..A website full of downloadable stuff, from TV shows (CSi, Alias, Xena, Smallville etc.) to soundtracks (Anime,movies etch). Sittin' pretty in your desktop, waiting for you to download them all. And guess what?! I only have 56 KB connection! WTF dial-up,WTF?! This sucks big time, such torture it causes to my tormented soul. *pouts*

Iva just brought a Lilya-4-Ever movie, and look how unlucky I am again, it has no english subtitle! I swear sometimes I don't know what this life has for me. It always somehow manage to keep my life miserable. Happiness-deprived! *sulks*

I haven't studied yet. I have 3 exams tomorrow XD This is so sad...Really really sad.

I love my new Opera browser *hugs the browser* It has a featured speak mode so you can just listen to any selected text you highlight.(In english of course) This is good when I wanna read fanfics online, I can just listen to it while doing other stuff *Flashes a big grin*
Yrx recommended Opera to me before, but I stopped using it for some reason. And when I tried to download it again they already released the beta version. W00t! And look at those beautiful skins *drools* Hm I kinda miss Incredimail. That shit rocks big time! Maybe I'll download it sometime when I get my computer upgraded *Smiles at the thought*

My mom won't let my buy the communicator, booo =( See this is what I hate living in this country. I can't have anything I want without my parents worrying that I might get my life in risk having those cool stuff. BOOOO! Not even my iBook macintosh was considered!Booo!

Guess what's being played on the radio right now..Truly,Madly,Deeply. *Gets all emo* I miss this song..specially to the one I'm singing it to. =(

*walks away*

er..

*goes back*

*posts the entry*

*walks away*

*whines*....*whines some more* Oh whatever I'll just whine ok?

Stupid server won't let me switch another server *cries* Is it my fault that their server sucks?It won't lemme upload smileys and such! Damn it!

Last night I was so damn tired. I went home, watched a few of my favorite tv shows. After 2 hours, went up, opened my computer. Chose the last file I should download..*snores* I mean yeah and then fell asleep right away. This week was just argh..no sleep at all. What the heck!

And I didn't go to any of my class yesterday. I told myself I'd just take a nap but I slept for 3 hours lol! Sleepy head alright!

Haha I read Joanna's xanga, and saw the expression she wrote.. "Fiddlesticks" *Laughs* Now it reminds me of the cartoon I used to watch and it's called "Racko's Modern Life". Gaaah I love that show! It's a weird-strange cartoons..All good anyway=D I miss "Spongebob" too.

Soooooo I forgot to write about the fanfic novel I ordered online. Weeeeeeeeee I have the book of Lina Wongwantanee. Weeeee So far, so good. And I have a few favorite quotes already. And uhm..it's all pervy so I'm not gonna take it down here. *Chuckles*

Anyhoo..I hope Lilya's ok. That li'l emo finnish friend of mine hehehe! Fiddlesticks!*cackles*

You know, our station won't play the song "You'll be safe here" by Rivermaya. I think it's because ABS have that soundtrack on one of their shows. I hate working on big companies like that. It's so damn political. Anyhoo I love the song. =>

I wanna watch the movie of Robin Williams' "The Final Cut". I didn't get to watch "One Hour Photo" I heard it was good. Darn! But I'll just buy the dvd I think..yeah buy the dvd hehe!

Nobody knows
Just why we’re here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
‘Coz when nothing seems clear
You’ll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You’ll be safe here


Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world’s insincere
You’ll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I’ll scream with you
You’ll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything’s unclear
You’ll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world’s insincere
You’ll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I’ll scream with you
You’ll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You’ll be safe here

When no one understands
I’ll believe
You’ll be safe,
You’ll be safe
You’ll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You’ll be safe here...

The worst way..

The worst way to miss someone is when you sit next to them, knowing you can never have them.

I guess it's all true. I mean, I felt that a couple of times. I don't know why I'm writing about this. This sucks! lol

Do I really rely on people close to me just to forget the feeling of loneliness? I thought I was doing good. I guess I wasn't? I don't need this right now.. I hate the feeling of being depressed and feeling this deep cut opening once more. I know I have moved on..but sometimes I just doubt if I ever did?

Ah weeeeell, I did well on my job the other day. I rock! lol!

So yeah...I enjoyed our foundation week. I like the gimmick they put in. And I requested alot of songs lol! I'm a song requester whore. haha! Weirdo..

Sunday Morning rocks! It's such a cool song!

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday
I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you

Oh wow

It's our school's foundation week, uh this week. And h00ray I'm here at home, online. Pathetic huh? But eh..I don't enjoy there. They have their own clicks and stuff and I don't belong there, because I have my own world. Yes, I have no life outside.

So, I guess my exam went well. I do hope so or I'll strangle myself and I'm not kidding! *Squints*

My weekend was a waste. I didn't do anything sensible..bleh..

I'm tired..dead tired.

X-

Game of Love

For I will move on and you'll be proud of me you'll see.

Soon I can forgive fate and its hurtful game on me.

And I hope one day, I'll be the next one who will learn how to forget..


---Cloudchiisan---

New Year?New Life?

Well, for starters, I promise myself to not be too lazy and freaking start to study. So far, so good. Though I don't know when it'll last. lol! I finally had a strength to learn scuba diving. Actually, I know how, ok? I just don't like going deeper than 6 meters haha! But the last time we went diving, I went about 60 ft. deep. Huzzah! Hehe!

I don't know about love life, I might just stay single for some time, maybe 1 to 2 years? I don't know.Bleh..I just feel like my life's been taken over by heartbreak and there's no other way to rise again.

And I should really drop by the station often, but I just feel so damn laaaazy lately. I've become a home-buddy or something, or whatever you call it haha! I feel like, the only way to escape reality is to stay infront of the computer for hours or watch tv for hours.

I hate my school, it sucks big time!

Anyway, I learned a few tricks on adobe photoshop. And I joined deviantart.com, so I might post my works there. It'll be cool, I guess ^_^ Well I hope so.

I miss someone..I don't know, just someone..

"Just when I thought I was over you
Just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories keeps coming through[blah blah, I don't know the lyrics lol]
I just can't go on without you"