Things you'll never understand

It doesn't actually hurt at first..It would hurt forever, everytime I would think about it.

It's more than the feeling of having a scrape and scraping so hard. It's more than having that horrible stinging sensation from the antiseptic.
I wake up everyday with the same pain . It's like stabbing your chest so hard that you couldn't breathe..I feel it over and over again.And everytime,it feels like the first time that I felt it.

I thank God that He helps me get through each night, though I drown with tears, I still find the way to wake up everyday and just get everything done. Without anyone noticing my sadness. It's a tough world out there, and I don't think I'm strong enough to face it.

My life is like a drama movie, but I don't want anyone to know the story.

What's the meaning of sacrificing? I still don't get what others think about it. Maybe that's one of the things I'll never understand.

I don't think I'm in the mood to be talking about my feelings right now..
I need a good cry tonight..you know, just to face another day.

"So you think you did the right thing huh?Maybe you did or did not. Either way, you broke someone's heart.And that's not gonna change anything. "

...it goes on and on and on..

I'm so weak..for how long do I have to act strong? How can God give us this happiness if we're only meant to be apart?I don't need a reason to hate Him. I don't plan to..I know whatever it is, there's a reason for everything.

But why would He made us different from each other if we're all are just going to be the same? Surely, we'll never know what He thinks..

I just don't know what to do anymore..Whenever I think about my past, I start to tremble and tears just fills my eyes. It hurts alot and I wonder when will all of these be over.. I await for the moment that I can be what I ought to be. I don't know when or how long..but I wait..still..

For how long am I supposed to wait for that happiness? How many more lifetime to waste?How many sleepless nights..How many tears to fall.. I don't know..

"..if not in this lifetime,perhaps the next"
How many vows to make?Time to waste?Where will I find the strength?

"However far away, I'll always love you. However long I stay,I will always love you.Whatever words I say,I will always love you.."

We're still looking at the same star at night..Wishing of the same thing. We may be a world apart..But you're never be so far away.

*sighs*

Partey..Partey..Partey!

Woo the other night was a blast!I had a really great time!It's my friend's birthday(Pika) And I met some cool people too=) You know who you are!Jhem,Armand and Dane were there and I missed them so much!The party would be too boring without 'em.

I think I got drunk..eh..I have a high tolerance in alcohol so I get drunk easily.Didn't have sleep when I went to school plus hangover. Just perfect hehe!I went to the booth yesterday,I had a really nice time and why?Secret hehe! Ms. JB said she likes my top,and I like hers so I said that we should trade hehe!Though I don't think my top would fit her,I'm not saying she's fat 'cause I think she's a hottie=D ..It's just that I can't even breath on that top it's too fitting egh..

It's a cool day today,my fav Dj played a song for me that I requested woohoo!She's the best!

I was on my way home yesterday and I got to hang out with my old buddy Eric,he was my classmate in Analytic Geometry.But didn't really talk much 'cause I was so sleepy so I was sleeping the whole time on the road on our way home.

Ahh so many research to do,I have to start working on it or I'll be cramming >.<

"It takes a long time for a memory to die.."

True Beauty

I like traveling. I think it's one of my passions. When people ask me if I ever get tired of being on the road for long, the answer is yes,I do get tired. But it's worth it..

Have you ever looked at the sky and see how wonderful those clouds are?How about the blue sky?Who can ever deny how magnificent those millions of stars sparkling brightly. How about the sunset?Or the sunrise? Did you see how gentle the trees sway? Relaxing, isn't it? I thank God everyday that he gives me the chance to appreciate all of these. And when I think about it, why do people hate him so much? They think that He takes us for granted..When the truth is, we are the one who takes Him for granted.

Did you ever look at the clouds, and see the sunlight reflect it?It gives this glow that makes me feel like heaven is just one look away. Sunset is even more beautiful. It creates different colors that seems so relaxing,you can think about important things while looking at it. The sunset is that beautiful that a photographer can never capture its true beauty(trust me,I've seen alot) Not even the best artist can capture its true beauty. It's like there's always something missing..

Have you ever walked,going somewhere but your thoughts are so far away? It's like your eyes are looking on the road but it seems so distant..Lost with thoughts..I wonder what people think about me when they see me like that. Or maybe they don't even bother. Besides, who am I in their precious lives.

Oh and I'm reading this book by Anne Rice, yes the author of all those vimpire stories(e.g. Queen of the Damn, Interview with a Vimpire). It's called "Blood and Gold" It's good so far

Quote of the day:
"Anger is as weak as fear"

One boring day..

Hm..Last night I couldn't sleep..I tried though but I can't. So,I tried to find some answers to my questions.And guess what?There's still no answer. So I guess I have to stick with my own motto,well actually more of a verse from the bible that I always bear in mind: "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently". A very simple quote,yet so powerful don't you think?

So, I sit here infront of the computer,thinking there are alot of better things to do but I feel so lazy..feeling like a bum -_- It's so boring,or maybe I'm just feeling lonely..

I watched csi last night. And wander for the rest of the night on how I wanna be just like them. A Farensic Scientist. I remember when I was little,I wanted to be a scientist. I have my own lab on the roof hehe!Good old days..I don't have any idea why I ended up with this course..

Ah.. I hope I get that aircheck thing. Even if I don't get paid and all. I love it..I love music,it's my passion.

"So what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to,suddenly just stops loving you. And it seems they haven't got a clue of the pain and rejection that's putting you through" <---Exactly what I'm feeling..like duh!Everyday that's what I'm feeling!*sighs*

Random Thoughts

If I can't be what I am..then how am I supposed to be? Ah yes, good question. The truth is I am confused. I asked myself that for like a thousand times..

So I had a weird week. Everything just seemed to be..weird. Like the other day, I almost had a good day because I only have one class and I thought to myself "Ah I can relax at last". And then my mom called and she was crying because my younger brother attempted suicide. *Sigh* Talk about relaxation..I still don't know why he did that. I felt really disappointed on him but mostly to myself..I don't know if I've been a good sister to him. I know at times I don't have time for him but what can I do? I can't control everything that happens around me.

Another day passes by, I'm getting through it. I miss the only person who really knew me..But maybe that person never really knew me at all..Oh the burden!

So, I guess you're wondering why I have this bloggy thing. Well, let's just say, I need this to get my thoughts together or I'll go crazy! -_-

Have you seen my dogs? They are utterly cute! The black one is pregnant too!^-^